My house is now unconditional with the sale and I have less worry about that part of my life. I got to a point that I was over 20 years of age. I hooked up with a girl and we started seeing each other. We had a moment when she came to visit me and she always greeted my dad at the front door. We had a night when he had enough of a stranger sleeping the night in my bedroom which was his house, and he kicked us out onto the street. I slept the night at her parents house and they offered me somewhere to live until we sorted the family situation out.
I saw mum every two days at the family home while dad was at work. I refused to come back to live there. Even if it left mum and my sister with dad alone. After 2 weeks I offered my mum several thousand dollars to help her get her and my sister out of the house. She had a part time job but most of the money the family used for expenses was in an account in dads name. She finally agreed to moved with my help and to repay every cent I would give her to move. We planned the day well and I rented a removal truck and came to the house after dad left for work. We packed everything very quickly and left. Mum had a rental organised with the money I gave her and paid for 4 months really rent in advance. She had enough left over to eat and pay all the bills for at least 4 months. She immediately saw a solicitor and filed for a formal separation. She was able to get several thousands of dollars in advance and the balance of a separation settlement to be paid months later. A year later she bought a sh1ty flat in Dandenong where she and my sister moved into to live. We all stayed in touch and visited each other regularly. I eventually married and eventually had two daughters of my own. I bought my own house and my sister got together with a friend I knew for years and they bought a house of their own.
This was now the new family that dad was isolated from. My sister was forced to visit her dad by my mum, as mum thought it was the right thing to do. Not a real connection but visiting to show something. She showed photos of my family and house and her house and it finally hit home. Dad finally saw what he was missing. Living all alone with no family around him. All while we have moved on to a better life. Years later mum got very sick in her late 70’s. She ended up dying from heart failure. She was sick for 18 months and spent 12 of those months in hospital. She ended up dying in her own house. After my sister and I discharged her from hospital for the last time. We gave her her last wish. We promised to look after each other forever. We all came to the funeral and Dad came also for support. Even though it made me sick in my stomach I didn’t create any bad feelings between us. I just refused to come to see him or have him come to see me which he respected. I painted and cleaned the flat from arseh@le to ear. I changed the carpets. I replaced the Lino floors and all the light fittings. New cooktop , oven and a range hood. We sold the flat and split the proceeds under the inheritance conditions. We had over $110,000 each after costs to fix the place and pay for the funeral.
A few years later I went through a very nasty divorce. I was in a relationship with a narcissist for too many years. I was with a person that tried to control my entire life. Verbally aggressive for many years. I saw myself back to a natural pull to a person that takes control and runs my life. Like I had as a child with dad. I got out because this was going to be the end of me. My wife tried to run me into ruins in terms of financial stability. She tried to take everything. She poached almost $40,000 from an account that was my share of an inheritance from the death of my mother. Plus around $15,000 missing from our own family expense accounts. Not to worry as life goes on. My sister gave me a place to live to get back on my feet. At least a year. We made a promise to mum before she died that we would stand side by side and support each other in every way forever. After I moved out of my sisters house she decided to separate from her partner. She had options but I had a small 2 bedroom unit for her to move into with me. We spent 3 months looking for options for her while her separation settlement was sorted and I found by a chance a house and land package for her. She bought it and guess what? She had to move in with me for almost a year. Before the build was finished. We both engaged back with dad and he finally saw what family was all about. It brought tears to his eyes. The love that two siblings could offer each other that he missed for years. We got together for Easter, Christmas, Birthdays, and a simple excuse to eat KFC, what ever. He eventually became very sick with lung cancer. Dad refused to consider this as any more than a government trying to take away his pension. We drove him from specialist to the next doctor appointment. For at least 8 months. A lung cancer the size of the palm of your hand. He eventually accepted chemotherapeutic treatment and made huge improvements Florida 5 months. Eventually his immune system dropped and he developed a infection in his lungs. He was hospitalised and had my sister and myself make a promise to him. We had to promise to him that we would help each other as real brother and sister until the day we die. Not a hard call considering we were as close as any other family members ever were. His infection was water on the lungs. He was gone in just 48 hours. I was at work and received the call when it all ended. I had so many sickening years with him. I also had years of joy with a man that was a different person. A man showing real love. Real care. Real remorse. Not by words, because he couldn’t say what he really thought. The way he should have treated the entire family for so many years. He changed his way of life and I experienced it. Many years later. I was still sad and missed him. Why? Probably because he was the only father figure that I had ever experienced. One that was there. Good or bad. Just be there and be a role model.
Does offering some forgiveness mean anything? Great question. I can’t answer that. I did it whether right or wrong. Would mum roll over in her grave thinking about how I came back to the man that offered so much pain in our lives for so many years? Did I offer some closure? I don’t know. I just opened and opportunity to change. My sister is fine with it. She has a sense of relief. Maybe that is what is an end result. We are as tight as the tightest knot on this planet. Maybe this is what my parents wanted and needed. We my sister and myself do not share the same opinions, and not even close in any opinions. We do share the same life experience and we do share the same offer of support for each other no matter what.
I hope I haven’t offended any here. You are all good mates to me. I hope I haven’t brought something to you that you have never experienced. If so then I hope you can learn that some things in life are real. It does exist. You should not be immune to the reality of life. I haven’t made this life story worse than it really was. In fact it was probably worse than I could explain all the details. I am happy to always answer any questions. Some of them I might be hesitant on initially. I am so glad so many have been empathetic. I am happy to share my empathy with any experienced issues you may have or have had. It was a very hard story to tell. Let me tell you that. However I really feel that I have had more therapy from this than I have ever had from professionals in the field in the past 30 years ago. Please feel free to PM me or ask for my phone number to speak to me in the future if you see the same issue in your life or the life of friends. I am the best ears you will ever enjoy.
I will not judge. I will not give advice without offering opportunities to seek help. If I can help there I will be the first to seek options. Just remember one thing that I was taught years ago. Fear isn’t weakness or failure. Fear is fear. It is a feeling. It is a part of what you are experiencing. How you react is what makes you as a person and it determines the rest of your life as a potential result. Don’t fight fire with fire. Water might be the best way to put the fire out. Think about it. Not text book theory. I actually feel so much better about this story than I have for years. I still love my mum. I still love my stepdad even though the early years were tough. I will always love my sister no matter what. Unconditional love. I will also never forget one important thing. I will never forget to love myself. I know that I am not great in the eyes of many. I just need to be great in my own mind and love myself. If I can’t do that then I will never have real self respect. My remaining family will be my future. Love you all to bits on this site. I hope I haven’t offended any or horrified by o many too much I hope it helps some learn something from other experiences. Thanks for your nice thoughts. My empathy is always there on anything any of you have as a life problem. Anything.
Big green stick going to bed but always here in some form.
I will do my best to answer any questions. Give me a little time to collect my thoughts please. I am In the process of selling my house. My deepest apologies.
Domestic violence is something coming up in the news lately and for a long time. My opinion is the government will fail to address the problem due to a lack of true understanding of what it actually means and how it has an effect on individuals and an entire family. Especially the children. I repeat, especially the children. It should not be a mistake that it it considered to be men abusing women. It works both ways. Even though it might be more of an issue with men abusing or killing women, it is a two way street. Women can be very dangerous with verbal abuse and physical violence. Many times involving knives and other chosen weapons. I have witnessed this first hand multiple times in my life. Pause for a short moment and get yourself comfortable with a box of tissues and I am not happy to vent my life experience, but if it helps people understand what happens behind closed doors it might allow people to understand real fear and why victims act the way they do.
My mother came to this country back in 1968. She was pregnant and expecting a child literally 4 months after landing in this country. She was married and her husband sent her here to start a life while he settled some family issues before he was to come from Croatia to join her here in Australia. She lived in a bungalow with other Croatian, Serbian and Bosnian people new to the country. After giving birth she got a job and tried to get her life in order. Her husband never returned her mail. Never answered any communications. It became obvious to her that she would be left alone here in a new country with minimal money and not a great deal of support.
She then met my future step father by chance and they began a relationship. He offered to help her get a rental and help her find her feet. She was overwhelmed with joy. They lived in a rental for 2 years and he offered her to join him in the ownership of a house and live together as a family. Everything was great. While they would argue over small trivial things at times it was only verbal frustrations most families would experience. A few years later she was pregnant again and expecting a daughter to her new defacto partner. She gave birth to a beautiful daughter and life was about to get better. I was around 5 years of age at the time and very excited. Suddenly things started going pear shaped.
I would talk to dad (he was the only dad figure to me and we got on really well), and I asked him why he had a different last name to me and my mother. He said I was what would translate into English as a whores bastard. I was too young to understand what that was. I then asked mum what that was and she explained but insisted I tell her where I heard this term. She had suspected dad said it to me. She confronted him about it after he got home from work the following day as to why you would suggest or call your son this term. He absolutely exploded in rage and claimed I was never his son and never will be. He has a real daughter and doesn’t need me or my mother anymore. She started packing her bags. She said she will never stay in a house where she wasn’t respected or their son. He dragged her into the house by the hair up 4 or 5 steps leading to the front door. Then locked the door. I was stuck locked outside. I have never heard a woman or person scream so much in my life. I heard smashing glass. Loud banging on walls and continuous yelling. Her screaming made me wet my pants. I thought she would die. I sat in the front yard shivering with fear. Not that he would hurt or kill me. The silence in the house made me think my mum was dead. The same might have been with my sister. The door opened and he yelled at me. “Come here”. “ Help the whore clean up my house”. He looked at me from close proximity and said “ if you open your big mouth again this will be the same for you”. I walked in the house and in the kitchen my mother was sitting on the floor shivering with fear. Blood covering the floor beneath her, blood on the walls, and 3 white items on the floor that I picked up. It was her broken teeth. Mum and I cleaned the house and I shivered the whole time for at least an hour and a half. I wet my pants again. I was really scared at what this beast could do. Imagine what he could do to me? Mum was petite. Only 55kg. At my age I was lucky to weigh 25kg. How do you fight a 120kg beast of a full grown man?
A month went by and everything went back to part normal but not really normal. We had some visitors from interstate come to see us. For a long weekend. Mum cooked and cleaned and had some evidence of bruising to her eye. The visitors kept asking how this injury took place. The interrogation of questioning came to a point that mum lashed out and said ask him, pointing to my dad. He walked over to her an punched her so hard in the face that she had the biggest black eye I have ever seen. Her eye was instantly closed not even seeing a slit. The visitors got up, and packed their belongings and set off back home. Dad gave mum an myself that look. The look of you are finished. Once they left, we were both in real trouble. Mum, my sister and myself hide in the spare bedroom. Dad came back after a couple of hours. He found us. He took my sister which was his daughter to his bedroom and put her to bed. He then came into the bedroom with us with a rolling pin and we both copped a complete beating. Like you would see in the movie “Once were Warriors “.
This never ended. We would see 2 to 3 weeks for the moment to settle, but mum would open her big mouth again and we would experience a moment where she would say stop being an idiot and shut the gate otherwise the kids will run out onto the streets. Dad didn’t like someone challenge his thought process. He walked from the rear yard into the house and could see trouble starting again. Scared like anything I threatened to kill him with a butter knife in my hands. Shivering with complete fear. He picked me up and threw me through the front yard lounge window. When mum came in to protect her son, he slammed her into the wall. I ran onto the house and he was stomping on her head. I thought she was dead again. Blood everywhere. I ran like I have never run before out of the house. I had no idea where I was going. I guess it was just to get out of there. I am getting sick of the blood. The clean up. The living with fear. This went on month after month. For 22 years with mum and myself having more broken teeth and broken bones that you can’t imagine. This had to end. I had to be selfish. I had to start a new beginning. If I didn’t leave, the rest would live in a safe space. My sister was fine. She was the daughter. However the remaining family members weren’t. My memory of being hit by a hammer or a piece of steel was not something new. Hence why I thought why did we endure so much?
No real support. No family or friends to accept am knew life. A new beginning. Sure back 30 plus years ago it didn’t exist. These were once or twice a month violence activity at an extreme level. 3 or 4 times on what might be medium level. Fear of death. How many freak of death periods to the do young kids experience ever in life? Anxiety. I still don’t sleep at night without some weapon in close grasp. Why did I get exposed to this lifestyle? Why? What will the government do to help the situation? Short term money to help. Short term housing. Everything shows a typical result. Coming back home without the ability to set themselves free. That is what my mother couldn’t do. Money talks and bullcrap walks. Long term money.
I was talking to an associate about domestic violence, they spend some time volunteering in shelters so they see a lot of the effects up close.
They mentioned the current media calls for stronger penalties are completely misplaced. The problem is that the offenders are not in a stable mental space already. His fear is then that if the penalties are stronger the situation will become like the regions with death penalties in the US, in those regions offenders (insane as they may be) conclude if you are going to do the time then you may as well do the crime. In domestic violence law this could be very bad for victims.
My friend would much rather see the use of monitoring devices for repeat offenders, much like the ankle type trackers used in early release. He said it's very rare that the victims of domestic violence are victims of a first offense. Most of the bad cases turn out to be recidivists. He also said legal papers and orders do nothing, a piece of paper is of no use in defence against a knife, gun or fists of someone who is otherwise not quite right in the head!
I lived in a house of serious domestic violence for 22 years. I would love to tell people what I experienced but some might not want to hear the reality of what takes place. How it has a long term effect on children. I am happy to tell the story if people want to hear it first hand. How it was resolved after a further 25 years later.
I don't expect to win but I expect a lot of improvement in work rate, selection, and on field set up. A case of "how we play" (process) moreso than the results.
Watching Melbourne against Geelong was an almost better side than when they won the last flag. Hard to find a weak link. If our pressure is just slightly off for a short period and if we continue to bomb long expecting talls to take a mark by chance, we will be given a lesson in how to lose another match.
We lost around 6 games in a row to drop so far, and then recovering with around 9 games in a row. I can’t see any side having 9 wins from 9 games. The competition is far more even with the top 10 sides. Top 4 placing for us might get more difficult than last season. Especially if you fall 3 or 4 games behind. Voss is doing more than a reasonable job. He can’t do the work on the field. Just select the squad with some thought.
We are playing sides we need to beat to be contenders. Next two games see us slip out of the top 8 and struggle to get back in. Similar to last season. Lack of cattle with talent, or lack of composure when it is required. Our next 5 games could be a painful period coming up. Worst part is that Collingwood are not at their best yet. History never repeats. Yes it does. We can only hope we don’t have additional injuries soon. This is the bitter feeling you have when Collingwood beat you at desperate times of a game. They have done it to us before.
You can’t learn as much from a win as you can from a loss or failure. Our next run of games will test Voss and what he has to work with. Collingwood, Melbourne and Sydney. Tough run. Our best game beats the best sides doesn’t eventuate on the scoreboard if you can’t deliver a four quarter effort. I won’t be completely devastated if we drop another 2 or 3 games in our next 5 outings. It builds character and hunger. Not happy that we lost. Never expected to beat the current flag favourites. They are the benchmark. We don’t have the list they have. We don’t have the polish just yet to make the most of our forward 50 entries. Give it time.
As a supporter, I no longer fear any opposition. Our best (even with injuries) is good enough to beat anyone, especially at the G. The Cats will need to be at their best to knock us off, as will we to do the same to them.
Which is why I thought one thing in my mind. Geelong have not lost a single game yet, while we dropped one against Adelaide that are not world beaters and we did have injury problems to boot. Still no excuse when they don’t have the home ground advantage. A game we should have found a way to will ourselves over the line. Hopefully as a club we learned something from the loss. How are we favourites with betting agencies? At best a 50/50 and I still don’t have the confidence we can tame their abilities to turn the momentum their way. A win in this game will finally make me believe we might be a genuine top 4 side. I know we have beaten the Cats in the past few years without an expectation of winning. I know we have troubled them in certain aspects of the game. I just worry about our injuries. We are missing too many guns and “A” grade players. We still look a little thin on depth and expect too many to stand tall and carry the squad. I might be wrong. I hope I am. If we win this one, I will celebrate and be completely drunk. Without regret. Judge me not by my actions, but accept that I am human.
Geelong find a way to control the game and playing it on their terms when it is most needed. I hope our injuries aren’t the difference in this contest. Would be great if we could snatch a win. Geelong are the benchmark at the moment. If we had Cerra, Saad and Gov in I would have some confidence. Without them it doesn’t look likely that we will win this one.
We have to send a strong message at the selection table that passengers need to buy some new tickets.
Having a handful of guys who are just making up the numbers is unacceptable on all levels.
We have been hit hard with injuries when we can least afford to with five very hard games coming up, it is not out of the question to go from 4-0 to 4-6 in the blink of an eye.
Last year we were cruising along with a great win to loss ratio. We then hit a combination of poor form and injuries to have too many lost games in succession. Then we had to reboot mentally and drag us back up to almost top 4 positions on the ladder. Only to be so fatigued that we could not come away with a preliminary win. We really cannot afford to lose all of our next 5 games. There is a chance it could actually happen. We need Voss to teach the players how to be mentally strong. Our hamstring injuries don’t give me faith that a weeks rest is enough to bring Cerra, Gov and Saad back into action. I don’t like our chances of winning more than one game in the next 5 weeks. One at best. Not being negative but more of a case of being realistic. Doc and Silvagni injuries almost killed our season before it really began. Two versatile players that could play in any position and play with passion and heart. Giving us cover we really needed.
Not an opponent you want to encounter unless you are close to a full list. Our recent injuries could be what ends up being a poor loss against the Giants. Probably the most improved side in the last couple of seasons. I will be happy if we get away with a loss of under 4 goals.
Next game is the start of the losing streak. Thank the gods it is earlier than last season. We are not top 4 contenders just yet. We had this one in the bag and in a way, I am glad we lost this opportunity. We are not top 4 material by any measure. Close only wins by the majority of games. Eventually you lose a few close game s by the rules of Karma. Our next 4 weeks could have us win not a single game. Back into the battlers group still struggling to get into the top 8. Voss needs to do some serious talking and motivating. A bad period could have us lose our next 5. At a guess we will be lucky to get 3 wins in the next 5 games. More likely to be 2. Maybe 1. Not doom and gloom, but we had this one game in the bag against a side that struggled to play any side so far this season. We need much more work between the ears. Better game day selection of players. Less need for Walsh to carry the entire squad. He is only playing his first game this season if I am correct? We need to learn how to keep a lead on the scoreboard. We need to learn how to defend better. We still need to work on endurance and how to find speed by foot when the going gets tough. Not happy with the result at all. Glad we lost if we learn from the experience. Adelaide of all sides. Really? GWS by 5 goals next game.
We probably should consider how many times we have been screwed over with umpires decisions. Either paying or not paying a result in the past. Karma has a strange way of working the other way years later. We just need to take the wins as we get them. While Adelaide could and probably should be a win for us, we need to consider the rounds to follow. GWS, Geelong, Collingwood and Melbourne will be a true measure of where we are at. Depending on the results. Just need some composure and finish on the scoreboard to start. It won’t be easy to finish top 8 and very hard to get into the top 4. Winning close games gives me faith we can fight to the death. Before the game I expected a 3 goal win our way. Listening to the game I expected a 3 goal loss. Isn’t it funny how the result ends up in the end. The die hard minutes of the contest. Load up. Next round.
