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Blah-Blah Bar / Re: Parenting & Discipline
I stand by my opinion that the proposition of striking another human-being can 'be good for them'... it is an obscene and ridiculous proposition.
Strict, clear and even rigid boundaries are important for our kids and will help them understand life on so many levels. My daughters, to this day, describe me as being a really strict parent... but never abusive or angry. Hitting is abuse. The moment you strike a child you have lost control.
I have had people say to me in regard to this stance, "I was disciplined with corporal punish and it didn't do me any harm." What a ridiculous statement. How would you know unless you led parallel lives of the spanked and not spanked?! That is the only way you could possibly know.
Please explain to me how corporal punishment can be 'done correctly?'
Here is another pet hate of mine, stating opinion as fact and/or absolute. I admit it's easy to do, and while I try my hardest to stay away from it, I doubt I have a perfect record !!
I can agree that some hitting is abuse, but all? Is boxing abuse?
And for your second statement, In my experience it is so far from the truth it's not funny. This might help answer your last question as well !!
My parents set very clear boundries, while we (there were 3 of us) lived in our parents home, it was made very clear to us that we had to play by their rules. If the rules were broken, there were consequences. In my primary school years, the consequence of disobeying most rules was a good spanking.
After being caught doing the wrong thing, we would be sent to our room (privately, we were never embarrassed in front of anyone). After being given a few minutes to think about why we were there either parent would come in and explain clearly what we had done wrong and what the punishment would be.
They always used a wooden paddle (mum said 'her hands were made for love, the 'stick' as we called it, was for discipline).
A good smack across the backside would always produce tears and often a pretty sharp sting causing immediate pain. For me personally, I don't ever remember any bruising, or long term pain from receiving a smack.
After we were smacked they would ask us if we were sorry for what we had done? Silence(or more crying) or a no, would result in another smack, a yes and there would be a last reminder not to do it again, a hug and it was never mentioned again.
I do not remember ever seeing either of my parents smack or even touch us kids in anger or in any way that was out of control. Their discipline was very clear, methodic and controlled. And always done in love (we were told this, but as we grew we could also see it), yes we heard the old line of 'it's hurting me more than it's hurting you' !!
This is my story, my parents are far from perfect, and this is my 25+ year memory of how things worked for us. But IMO the end result speaks for itself, Mum and Dad now have 3 very well adjusted, well mannered etc adult children who love and respect their parents and are very grateful for the upbringing that they were given.
It is always difficult to judge the actions of previous generations by current standards. If we applied the same logic to football coaches, then Ron Barassi and John Kennedy in modern times would be seen as mindless thugs who had 'lost the players'.
Everyone (well, almost everyone) who becomes a parent wants to do the best job they can, and the type of parenting each of us received will heavily influence what type of parent we become. Not everyone's right will be someone else's right, and not everyone's wrong will be wrong for others.
For me, the most important ingredient is consistency, from BOTH parents. If kids know exactly where the line is, and that there will be consequences (such as no Playstation) if the line is crossed, they will receive the message they need.
Kids are like video recorders - they will replay all of your best habits and all of your worst habits back to you, over and over again. The smartest thing to do is promote your good habits and suppress your bad ones.