Skip to main content ↑ ↓
Topic: The New Joke Thread (Read 37166 times) previous topic - next topic
0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Re: The New Joke Thread

Reply #33 –
+1

Re: The New Joke Thread

Reply #34 –
The "new" joke thread hasn't seen much action ... and there are some barely remembered names; I wonder what happened to Gozza  :-\

Anyway, I'm at our local rural store buying a bag of dog food for my dogs. A woman standing behind me in the queue for the cash register asked if I had a dog. 

Why else would I be buying dog food?  ::)

On impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, but I was starting the Dog Food Diet again.  I said that I probably shouldn't go on it again because last time, although I'd lost 5kg, I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and all you do is load your pockets with handfuls of dry dog kibble and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again.  By this stage, practically everyone in store was listening to my story.

The woman was horrified, and she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her "No, I stepped off the footpath to sniff a cocker spaniel's arse and a Toorak tractor hit me."


"Negative waves are not helpful. Try saying something righteous and hopeful instead." Oddball

Re: The New Joke Thread

Reply #35 –
🤣
Let’s go BIG !

Re: The New Joke Thread

Reply #36 –
 :D
Did you have a wet nose and a shiny coat ?
Reality always wins in the end.

Re: The New Joke Thread

Reply #37 –
 ;D

Re: The New Joke Thread

Reply #38 –
Karl Marx was a world famous philospher, but nobody ever mentions his sister, Onya, the inventor of the starting pistol  ::)
"Negative waves are not helpful. Try saying something righteous and hopeful instead." Oddball

Re: The New Joke Thread

Reply #39 –
I always preferred the English spelling of "diarrhoea" over the American "diarrhea" because it really looks like you've lost control of your vowels.
"Negative waves are not helpful. Try saying something righteous and hopeful instead." Oddball

Re: The New Joke Thread

Reply #40 –
My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm last night in bed, but I accidently gave her some super glue instead.

She’s still not talking to me

Re: The New Joke Thread

Reply #41 –
“I would like to just acknowledge Lachie Neale, who we now know is going to the dark side,

Take a last look at Lachie because he’s going tomorrow to have some teeth removed and a bit more ink.”

Andrew Wellington Brisbane Chairman
 

Re: The New Joke Thread

Reply #42 –
Woman walks into a bar, says to the barman "I'll have a double entendre".
So he gave her one.

I'll see myself out
DrE is no more... you ok with that harmonica man?