Carlton Supporters Club

Should there be a therapy thread?

Quote from: tex – on February 01, 2014, 09:04:08 pm

Should there be a therapy thread?

Big difference between therapy and empathy. Not surprised you don't get what is going on here.

Quote from: Baggers – on February 02, 2014, 09:33:39 am

Quote from: tex – on February 01, 2014, 09:04:08 pm

Should there be a therapy thread?

Big difference between therapy and empathy. Not surprised you don't get what is going on here.

I don't get whats going on here - I wasn't a subject to domestic violence. And I am not sure many people (aside from you) could empathise with domestic violence - because thats what Gozzas stating.

In light of that background, Gozza arguably has issues that all the empathy in the world couldn't resolve. I reiterate my original post. He should see someone. I believe the government offers a number of mental health sessions for free or at a subsidised rate. Simply telling him on a forum to 'change' does sweet FA really. If you want to help, offer a solution.

Elwood my past life wasn't any better. If I could remember the number of broken bones it would be a miracle. However mine wasn't always by the parent being intoxicated or under the influence. My step father hated me with a passion and could issue a beating completely sober, and just because I was standing where he didn't prefer me to be. I too offer any support or just to listen to a venting session by any. Gozz has many here willing to listen or offer support. Don't be ashamed by your past life. Just choose to be different for the benefit of the next generation.

Quote from: Mantis – on February 01, 2014, 10:52:04 pm

Elwood my past life wasn't any better. If I could remember the number of broken bones it would be a miracle. However mine wasn't always by the parent being intoxicated or under the influence. My step father hated me with a passion and could issue a beating completely sober, and just because I was standing where he didn't prefer me to be. I too offer any support or just to listen to a venting session by any. Gozz has many here willing to listen or offer support. Don't be ashamed by your past life. Just choose to be different for the benefit of the next generation.

Mants ...equally sorry to hear your childhood was a violent one like Gozza......my father wasnt violent but didnt bother with me too much and I felt ordinary at times but hearing both your stories makes me feel lucky.
You must be a very resilient person to have overcome those bad years and have made a life for yourself with a wife and children....that resilence must be helping you endure those tough years as a Carlton supporter

Wow, what a loaded topic. I don't know what is actually right and neither does anyone here, because there isn't a definitive guide that proves what is right, so we go on what we believe. I will state though that somethings are clearly wrong and parents 'belting' kids is clearly wrong, parents calling kids words like b****, c***, a***hole etc is wrong.

My children are 12 and 13 year old boys and like a lot of children, yes they are not perfect and yes they are a bit lazy around the house and yes they love to wrestle and fight with each other if left to do that, but overall they are well behaved.

They live with me full time with some weekends with their mother, for the majority of their life they lived primarily with her until a few years ago. She cannot discipline the boys at all and they simply do not listen, to the degree that she has to regularly call me when they aroe there and I talk to them and they behave.
I have smacked by boys on the backside during their life, maybe 4-5 times each, for very serious infractions and never hard or with the intent to hurt, their mother however does. Personally I don't like when I do smack them, but it is not done in anger on the times it has been, it has been calculating and done because I believed that a sterner message was needed and the smack was symbolic.

However, what I personally find is that I don't make empty threats ever, for all of our life if I said there was a punishment for an action, there was a punishment, be that 1 month without electronics, 1 week of writing lines after school or off to bed early. If they were warned and subsequently misbehaved, the consequence was enforced.
They know this and when I say to do something it is almost always done immediately, they have hardly ever talked back and they are always complimented on their behaviour in public.
The other thing is that up to this age still, the favorite thing for them to do is something with a parent, be it play basketball, watch a movie, go for a ride or a swim... basically anything.
I think with that being the case, they generally don't want to lose those times and that is far more powerful than a smack could ever be.

I don't judge a parent who thinks a smack on the bottom is the appropriate punishment as often as they reasonably see fit, nor one who has never smacked their child... I think as long as it is not abusive, it is a parental choice.

Quote from: ElwoodBlues1 – on February 02, 2014, 06:42:10 pm

Quote from: Mantis – on February 01, 2014, 10:52:04 pm

Elwood my past life wasn't any better. If I could remember the number of broken bones it would be a miracle. However mine wasn't always by the parent being intoxicated or under the influence. My step father hated me with a passion and could issue a beating completely sober, and just because I was standing where he didn't prefer me to be. I too offer any support or just to listen to a venting session by any. Gozz has many here willing to listen or offer support. Don't be ashamed by your past life. Just choose to be different for the benefit of the next generation.

Mants ...equally sorry to hear your childhood was a violent one like Gozza......my father wasnt violent but didnt bother with me too much and I felt ordinary at times but hearing both your stories makes me feel lucky.
You must be a very resilient person to have overcome those bad years and have made a life for yourself with a wife and children....that resilence must be helping you endure those tough years as a Carlton supporter

That's abuse. And it hurts. No child should feel 'ordinary'. Every child should feel important & loved & safe. Abuse / emotional neglect should never be justified. Understood, yes, but never justified.

Every child should grow up understanding reality but believing they can achieve anything... and what it takes.

Yeah I pretty much copped the same from my old man, didn't really GAF or was maybe too tired from work etc to do so. Just made me more determined to do the right thing by my kids, learn from the old man's mistakes. Every time I feel a little lazy with my son I remind myself of this fact and make sure I spend A LOT of quality time with him.

Quote from: PassIt2Carrots – on February 03, 2014, 09:11:33 am

Yeah I pretty much copped the same from my old man, didn't really GAF or was maybe too tired from work etc to do so. Just made me more determined to do the right thing by my kids, learn from the old man's mistakes. Every time I feel a little lazy with my son I remind myself of this fact and make sure I spend A LOT of quality time with him.

Ditto, except I don't have a son yet!

Quote from: Amers – on February 03, 2014, 10:23:10 am

Quote from: PassIt2Carrots – on February 03, 2014, 09:11:33 am

Yeah I pretty much copped the same from my old man, didn't really GAF or was maybe too tired from work etc to do so. Just made me more determined to do the right thing by my kids, learn from the old man's mistakes. Every time I feel a little lazy with my son I remind myself of this fact and make sure I spend A LOT of quality time with him.

Ditto, except I don't have a son yet!

You're a proud uncle though yeah? Practice makes perfect!!