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Topic: The New Joke Thread (Read 20343 times) previous topic - next topic
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Reply #15 –
Quote from: Baggers – on
With the Spring Racing Carnival in the air...

Iram was visiting his wealthy horse owner dear friend, Josiah. He noticed a magnificent horse in a holding pen out the back.
"Wow, Josiah, that is a very impressive horse. But can he run?"
"Can he run? Huh. Fastest horse I have ever bred. I am about to start racing him... will win everything." Josiah replied.
"How much?" Iram asked.
"Not for sale."
Iram continued to try and persuade Josiah to part with the magnificent steed... but Josiah would not budge.

Any way the two good Jewish buddies enjoyed some for food and win before Iram went home.

The next morning, to Josiah's horror, his magnificent steed was dead. However, being an enterprising Jewish dude and wondering if Iram was still interested in buying the horse, he telephoned him. "Iram, my dear friend, do you remember that magnificent horse you wanted to buy from me?"

"Remember!! A more magnificent animal I have never seen. I would pay anything." Iram said.

"Well, for $million you can have him... send me the bank cheque and upon receit I will send you the horse."

"Done."

Within 48 hours a bank cheque for one million dollars arrived which Josiah quickly banked. He then put the dead horse in a huge wooden crate and sent it to Iram.

Well, the days became weeks and weeks months, but still Josiah had not heard anything from his good friend Iram about the dead horse. Eventually, curiosity got the better of him and he called Iram. "Greeting Iram. Shalom. You know that horse I sent you... what happened? He was dead."

"I know," Iram said calmly.

"What, what ...?"

"I sold a million raffle tickets at 2 dollars each. Only one prize... the winner got the horse." Iram explained.

"But, Iram, the horse was dead! Didn't the winner complain????" Josiah asked.

"Yes, of course he did. So I gave him back his two dollars."

Love it Baggers!! :))
IN WADA WE TRUST

Re: The New Joke Thread

Reply #16 –
Joke for the HACCP age

Quote
A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads:

Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
Chicken Sandwich: $2.50
Hand Job: $10.00

He checks his wallet and beckons to the sexy bartender.

"Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" he asks.

"Yes," she purrs. "I am."

"Well, wash your frickin' hands," says the man. "I want a cheese sandwich!"
IN WADA WE TRUST

Re: The New Joke Thread

Reply #17 –
Quote from: Juddkreuzer – on
Joke for the HACCP age

Quote
A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads:

Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
Chicken Sandwich: $2.50
Hand Job: $10.00

He checks his wallet and beckons to the sexy bartender.

"Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" he asks.

"Yes," she purrs. "I am."

"Well, wash your frickin' hands," says the man. "I want a cheese sandwich!"
I actually laughed out loud  ;D ;D ;D ;D

Re: The New Joke Thread

Reply #18 –
Quote from: BlueAvenger – on
Quote from: Juddkreuzer – on
Joke for the HACCP age

Quote
A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads:

Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
Chicken Sandwich: $2.50
Hand Job: $10.00

He checks his wallet and beckons to the sexy bartender.

"Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" he asks.

"Yes," she purrs. "I am."

"Well, wash your frickin' hands," says the man. "I want a cheese sandwich!"
I actually laughed out loud  ;D ;D ;D ;D

Gold!

Jokes about German sausages are the wurst.
Reality always wins in the end.

Re: The New Joke Thread

Reply #19 –
Bought my wife a new hamster skin coat on the weekend. She wore it when we went down to Docklands - took me an hour to get her off the Star Wheel!
Reality always wins in the end.

Re: The New Joke Thread

Reply #20 –
If you really want to laugh go and get yourself a copy of Carl Barron's new DVD "A One Ended Stick".

Just finished watching it but had to have an intermission as i was laughing so hard i think i may have cracked a rib and have abdominal strains.

Funniest thing I've seen in a long, long time.

Re: The New Joke Thread

Reply #21 –
Quote from: BlueAvenger – on

Just finished watching it but had to have an intermission as i was laughing so hard i think i may have cracked a rib and have abdominal strains.

I might have to give it a miss. I'll end up with a hemorrhoid.  ;D

Re: The New Joke Thread

Reply #22 –
"The Other Teams Can Rot In Hell"

Re: The New Joke Thread

Reply #23 –


Condoms don’t guarantee safe sex anymore …..
A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman’s husband.


Doctor asks pregnant prostitute, "do you know who the father is?"
"For f.... sakes , if you ate a tin of beans would you know which one made you fart?"

Re: The New Joke Thread

Reply #25 –
Mens sana in corpore sano - A healthy mind in a healthy body.

Navy, it's not just a color, it's an attitude !!!

Re: The New Joke Thread

Reply #26 –
Gee, EFC are always at the cutting edge of sports science.

Their latest development is a new type of ultra-lightweight protective gear, sure to give them the edge!

The old stuff was bulky having far more space and material than needed, based on an EFC player survey, the old designs were revised and space used more efficiently. As a result EFC have been able to cut back wasted materials, greatly reduce weight, offer players more freedom of movement which in turn delivered greater agility and flexibility. The new design has also delivered EFC significant improvements in mindset and moral, attributed to the combined fresh fashionable look and form fitting function. To understand the new developments a comparison is offered below.

The bulky old version is shown here, look at all that wasted space and excess material!



Below by comparison the new version shows off it's significant benefits from the more efficient bio-mechanical slim design developed using the expertise of the EFC playing list!



EFC hold high hopes that delivering their cutting edge sports science technologies to the market place could lead to a significant windfall for the club during it's tough financial times. However at this stage uptake has been slow, EFC is yet to identify why, but believe the underlying reasons will be exposed soon enough and sales may experience a rise!
"Extremists on either side will always meet in the Middle!"

Re: The New Joke Thread

Reply #27 –
Does anyone know how to access the old Joke Thread????

Looking for the joke about the two buildings: one for males and one for females and the 'benefits' increase as you move up each floor........

Re: The New Joke Thread

Reply #28 –
http://archive.carltonsc.com/modules.php?name=Forums&file=viewtopic&t=5360&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=100

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the is gn reads:

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

"That's nice", she thinks, "but I wa nt more."

So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

PLEASE NOTE:

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex and have money.

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.
Mens sana in corpore sano - A healthy mind in a healthy body.

Navy, it's not just a color, it's an attitude !!!

Re: The New Joke Thread

Reply #29 –
Superstar Amers!!!